Ways to Save My Marriage

Till Death Do Us Part

Well, that's the concept. The truth is that it doesn't seem to mean much anymore. People marry and divorce these days like they are selling a used car. This article is for those who are really serious about making their marriage work.

It is my firm belief that marriage is an institution that should be held in high regard. When you marry your spouse you've made a binding agreement to love, cherish, and take care of one another FOREVER. It's that simple, no excuses. I understand that there are extreme situations where divorce is the only option, but for the purpose of this article we will not go into that.

#1 - Understanding Your Relationship

In addressing ways to save my marriage, first and foremost you must sit back and look at your relationship in an objective manner. What are your habits as well as your spouses as it relates to the relationship. Here is a list of questions to ask yourself:

Do I show appreciation towards her/him?

Do I take her/him for granted?

Do I show my spouse how much I love her/him?

Do I spend quality time with my spouse?

Do we share common goals in life?

What things do I do that annoy my spouse?

There are many reasons marriages get stale and sour. You need to really dig and look for the things that derailed from the time you took your vows as well as the negative things that have been impacting your relationship. Ask yourself the questions above and start a list of things YOU can do to bring about positive change. As you ask these questions try very hard to NOT get into the blame mode by saying to yourself "well I show my love and he/she does not". Continue past these questions thinking about things YOU can change yourself that does not require change on your spouses part AND will bring about positive change.

As you work together on your relationship, tell your spouse about these things you've written on your list. You can simply say something like: "Honey, I've really been thinking, and I realize that I don't tell you how much I appreciate you", or "Baby, I'd really like to set aside some time for us to spend alone together". Agree that neither of you is perfect, and work together for positive change. If you feel your spouse lacks in similar areas, encourage them to look at their own shortcomings, but do it in gentle way. You don't want to come out say something like "Ok, this is what I'm doing, now what are you going to do for me?". Always state things in a positive, non-blaming, and non-confrontational way.

#2 - Communication

Communication is essential. Without it, you can't accomplish anything. When talking to your spouse always be sure and listen without responding while he/she is talking to you. A good practice is to listen, then repeat back to your spouse to confirm what you've heard. For example, you can respond by saying "If I understand you, you would like me to stop yelling at you when I'm mad". This does two things. First it confirms to your spouse that were in fact listening, and second, it makes certain there is no misunderstanding. If your spouse interrupts you while you are talking, you can calmly, and quietly ask that they please hear you out. Agree with each other to listen completely to what each of you have to say before responding.

Another thing that frequently derails communication is when you get stuck on an issue that neither of you are not willing to back down on. In these situations, you can agree to disagree, and compromise. Also, pick your battles. Many times some things are just not worth arguing about. Especially when it comes to past events. Which leads us to our next tip.

#3 - Let The Past Stay In The Past

Past events can be a source of great conflict in our lives. Sometimes these events are very traumatic, and sometimes they are just annoying things that just seem to pop up when you least expect it. In order to move past these things we have to allow ourselves to feel the feelings they bring us, and be willing to let them go. Many times people tend to use past events as defensive responses which only serve to inflame situations further. So leave the past where it belongs. Agree to turn over a new leaf. None of us are perfect, but we can learn from our mistakes.

Past events that include include cheating, alcoholism, gambling, and other trust issues can be very difficult to let go of. Obviously the spouse whom was at fault will have to earn the others trust back, and get any necessary treatment where it applies. However, the other spouse will have to be willing to let go of the original event that caused the loss of trust, and be willing to allow their spouse to earn that trust back without throwing the issue back in their face. Now, obviously this also assumes that there have not been repeat offenses.

Conclusion

Treating your marriage as something permanent is essential. By conveying the importance of your marriage to your spouse, and showing your spouse that you are truly committed to making it work, will help bring about positive change and re-enforce your love. Focus on positive change. Anything is possible if we only try in earnest to make it happen. I sincerely hope that these tips will serve to improve your situation.

For more free tips on saving your marriage visit: Magic of Making Up

This article is written for informational purposes only. This article should be used in the making of an informed decision only. The publisher and author shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by this article.

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